Erotic Football

This was the first time in my football supporting career (as far as I know) that I have fought for space with attendees to a country’s premier Erotic exhibition, which was being hosted by Valby Halle adjacent to Frem’s homeground.  I will be honest, but they did not look like the most erotic bunch of people, but who am I to judge.


It is sunny.

Hvidovre (the pronunciation of which is the absolute opposite of erotic) were the visitors to the Valby Idraætspark on this first Saturday of Spring (well it felt like the sun had a degree of warmth) for what was being billed in some quarters (i.e. by me) as the Clash of the Unbeatens in 2016  (I don’t work in Sky Sports marketing department) as both teams were the only two left who had not yet been defeated in the four games played this year.  Hvidovre means White Ovre (I don’t know what Ovre means) and is the next door neighbor of Rødovre meaning Red Ovre.  So many facts.


We always look this good.  Gy’s first ever football scarf…  

It turns out I have seen Hvidovre before.  I think I have also seen Rødovre, but this is not a colour collection competition.  We bumped into a few friendly faces outside and I treated myself to my first ever five beer purchase.  Danish football seems to be one of those rare places that encourages bulk buying of alcohol by lowering the price for volume purchases.  Normally, I am on my own so reluctant to invest into five beers that will go warm before I have drunk them.  But this time, there was no stopping me.  Gy seemed quite thirsty too.  The five beers come with their own bespoke carry case.  This is an excellent invention although if there was some sort of bike attachment…


one down…

The only problem with the five beer setup is that you have to carry around five beers.  This is a bit annoying as you end up putting them down and guarding them.  This in turn leads to drinking the beers as quickly as possible before the ball implausibly smashes into the beers (as we were standing directly behind the goal this was almost impossible).  This in turn leads to a feeling known as semi-drunkenness, which encourages the enthusiastic purchase of another five beer set and the problem starts again.

Actually before the second round of five beers, we were coopted back amongst our new friends from the week before so we could continue our attempts at singing in Danish.  Gyongyi together with her paranoia and nose were now exposed to the direct possibility of ball in face.  Fortunately, we were protected from her window shattering squeals for another week.

The game 

Frem pretty much dominated and apart from a great save to deny Hvidovre an equalizer that would have made it 2-2.  The first half saw an excellent goal mouth scramble.  The Danish third tier does seem quite a few good goal mouth scrambles where the ball pings around the six yard box in a frenzy.  I am not sure why this is.  Possibly a coincidence.  My analysis is reaching new lows here.

Half-time came and went at nil nil.  Frem came out fighting and a sweeping move saw Christiansen slot home from the inside left position before an almost mirror image goal saw Larsen double the lead a couple of minutes later.  Frem were deserving of the lead and to be honest, looked a class above the boys from the White Ovre (whose limited fans seemed to have bulk bought Dutch flags from somewhere).  Hvidovre did grab an equalizer with a frankly excellent glancing header at the near post before Frem goalkeeper Marco Brylov made save of the game (his life if you were a few beers down) to keep Frem ahead.

About this time, we moved from the behind the goal wooden terrace to the big stand for a ‘happening’.  This despite our initial excitement that it could mean free cake turned out to be a show of solidarity between the two Frem supporter groups.  It was actually lots of fun and it was quite  enjoyable to watch Frem from a decent angle for once.  Frem scored a screamer of a third through Danny Mirabel to turn the final few minutes into a procession.  Frem now sit five points clear of fourth with a trip to Middelfart (tehe) to come next week who currently sit rock bottom (if I was clever could make some sort of bottom joke).  It is looking good and there was a sense of optimism among the 2,600 fans making their way home.


Gyongyi the skomager….

We didn’t go home.  We went and carried on the party with some fellow Fremmers.  We were also introduced to Danish billiards and told stories about Sydhavnen and Frem. Happy days.  The bike ride home was tough.  Did I kiss Betty?  Who is Betty?

Highlights at the below…


One thought on “Erotic Football

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